look no pants
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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