he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize