im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
