WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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