Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
