i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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