There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
