the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
