But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
