Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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