Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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