I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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