Don't you send me to vm
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
