I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
