Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
