I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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