So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
