I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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