I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
