He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
