I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
