You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
