i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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