Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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