Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
