To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
