Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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