i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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