i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
