That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
