Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He felt like a one man threesome
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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