Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
did i just pee glitter
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
