is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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