I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
