i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
