YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
