Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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