i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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