Can i not drive my cunt home
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
