Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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