We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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