you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
