Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
