I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
