you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
