You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
