ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
