she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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