I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
