epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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