I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
