She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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