glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
