whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
