I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
