I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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