walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
