OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
