how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
