Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
