Pants 0. Shit 1.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
