So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
