Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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