And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
