How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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