people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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