Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
