so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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