Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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