I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
