the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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