I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize