she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
