my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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