I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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