she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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