im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
