I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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