I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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