no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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