i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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