I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
