his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
