her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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