Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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