I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
