lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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