Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
