are you still at the devil's house?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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