You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
