Will you blow on my dice?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
