i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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