Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I intend to get homeless drunk
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
