the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
