Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize