just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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