We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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