Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
