hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Welp...herpes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
