That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
