Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
