she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
