WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
