There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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