This girl is more easily done than said...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
