Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
did i just pee glitter
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
