It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
