It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Of course I have a pirate flag
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
