Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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